Sexual frustration happens to most of us at one point or another.
Sexual frustration can have many causes: Not having a partner with whom you can express yourself sexually, having a partner who is not satisfying your sexual needs, or even your own body or mental health causing difficulties in the bedroom. It’s important to reflect on what might be causing this frustration in your life and take steps to help you (and your partner) feel better.
Masturbate. Masturbation is often a taboo topic, surrounded by misinformation and guilt. However, masturbation is a healthy, safe, productive way of learning what gives you pleasure. Exploring your body through masturbation can help you understand what feels best for you, and can also help you communicate that to your partner(s).
Avoid holding yourself to someone else’s standards. Sometimes, particularly for women, sexual frustration occurs because you may think that you’re not “performing” the way you ought to. Remember that there is no “normal” amount of sex to have, or a “normal” way to experience sexual pleasure. Rejecting others’ standards for what you should be feeling can help you focus on your own pleasure and what you and your partner (if you have/want one) enjoy.
Learn to accept yourself. Sexual frustration may stem from a dissatisfaction with your body. It’s hard to accept sexual pleasure if you are unhappy with how you look. Feeling unworthy or unlovable can also lead you to shy away from relationships. Learning to love and accept yourself, just as you are, can be a crucial part of relieving sexual frustration.
Take the focus off orgasm. Sometimes, people can become so fixated on experiencing orgasm that they see sex as a “failure” if they don’t achieve one. This can happen just as easily solo as with a partner. The exclusive focus on orgasm can turn sex from an enjoyable experience into a chore with a checklist. Learning to take the focus off of solely achieving orgasm and embracing the whole experience can help relieve sexual frustration, especially if you often have difficulty climaxing.
Seek professional help. Sometimes, sexual frustration or difficulty stems from causes you may not even be aware of. Depression, anxiety, and stress can all cause sexual difficulty. So can histories of abuse or a repressive childhood. A therapist, especially one trained in sex therapy, can help you explore your own sexuality and figure out what’s causing your frustration and concerns.